What makes up a relationship? Do you believe that relationships are all about following stages of progression? Be they for the building up or breaking down of one? Mark Knapp certainly thinks so. The relationship model that he came up with consists of 10 stages, 5 each for coming together and coming apart.
Stages 1-5 (Coming together)
1. Initiating
2. Experimenting
3. Intensifying
4. Integrating
5. Bonding
Stages 6-10 (Coming apart)
6. Differentiating
7. Circumscribing
8. Stagnating
9. Avoiding
10. Terminating
For the purpose of this entry, I will only be looking at the stages of coming together. I recently watched a show on DVD and realised that definitely not all relationships follow the above model.
taken from MyCineWhat Happens in Vegas is basically a good example of that. Jack Fuller (Ashton Kutcher) and Joy (Cameron Diaz) travelled to Las Vegas in search of a getaway due to their personal problems. They met by chance and ended up getting married overnight (Stage 5). They woke up the next morning ready to break up the relationship when Jack hits the jackpot in the casino. In order to keep their own share of the windfall, the court orders them to attempt to live their marriage for 6 months.
With money in mind, they presented themselves as a couple (Stage 4). It is only as time went by that they went through the motions of Stages 1-3. Needless to say, as all Hollywood flicks go, they eventually ended up together in the end.
Certainly, the show is made for entertainment. However, real relationships do not follow the stages and may not be as lucky too. Speed dating that ends up with marriage in a short time frame for example, shows disregard for the middle stages of coming together in Knapp's Model. And very often, intense differentiation leading to a termination of the relationship may take place due to the relationship developing too fast (Stage 6).
Thus, is there any way where we can improve on this model? Is Knapp's Model in any way flawed for our contemporary lives? Did your own relationship follow the stages? Do share with me your views.
With money in mind, they presented themselves as a couple (Stage 4). It is only as time went by that they went through the motions of Stages 1-3. Needless to say, as all Hollywood flicks go, they eventually ended up together in the end.
Certainly, the show is made for entertainment. However, real relationships do not follow the stages and may not be as lucky too. Speed dating that ends up with marriage in a short time frame for example, shows disregard for the middle stages of coming together in Knapp's Model. And very often, intense differentiation leading to a termination of the relationship may take place due to the relationship developing too fast (Stage 6).
Thus, is there any way where we can improve on this model? Is Knapp's Model in any way flawed for our contemporary lives? Did your own relationship follow the stages? Do share with me your views.
8 comments:
Knapp's model does not apply to all relationships. as stated in the book, stages are not linear, some relationships may skip a step or regress to previous stages. like what you have brought up, that kind of relationship is not impossible at all and i believe the number will increase further. people are getting togather for benefits, etc.
if you ask me, i do not think there should be any models or rules when it comes to relationships. because there is simply no right or wrong. moreover, there are far too many relationship which only lasted for hours or days. it will be impossible to go through all the stages within such a short time.
It's not about right or wrong or 'rules', its just a model describing what normally happens in a relationship. And although not all relationships follow the model linearly, most relationships do include all the stages (of either breaking up or getting together).
i was watching titanic over the weekend and happened to observe the stage in the show. stage 1-5 is clear when rose meets jack and their relationship grows. stages 6-10 is also very evident when u look at rose and cal(her fiance) she slowly but surely distance herself from him and eventually leaves him/.
this is very evident and any relationship i know.
I feel that real world relationships do not follow discrete stages as stated by Knapp's Model. I feel it is more of a continuum of in a relationship and out of a relationship. We fall somewhere along the line.
Knapps could only define the different stages of a relationship to a certain degree. Love relationships are complicated and to a certain extent uncatagorisable, because there are so many ways for it to develop. In any case, I feel he did a very good job. Most of the stages are spot on in the relationships we see today.
Love will always stay the same, whether it be 10000 years ago or 10000 years into the future. I believe this model will stay relevant for a long time to come.
I feel that the Knapp model is not all that accurate in the sense that reality does not tie in with the stages. Instead, relationships has a little bit of characteristics from the different stages. There is no correct definition on the stages of a relationship because each and every story is unique and complex. These are feelings we are talking about, not factual information based on hypothesis and experiments.
the Knapp's model has very little effect in most of today's relationships largely due to the influence of the mass media.
hollywood movies tend to portray relationships as something that burns intensely and fizzles out quickly. it skips most of the stages in knapp's model, so many that it makes the stages in knapp's model look insignificant.
people are beginning to view relationships, especially with the opposite gender more casually than they should, sometimes with disastrous consequences.
Knapp's model was created during a time where speed dating and woes of technology (eg online relationships) were not as rampant as it is today. Back then, life was simple. So was the relationships people held.
Now, people seem to rush into the later parts of Knapp's model in order to see if the relationship has a chance of working our, before comitting to the earlier stages. This, i think, stems from the inconfidence and low self esteem of the human being. Everybody wants attention, but nobody has any to give.
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